If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
