why didn't you poke me back
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
