Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
