hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
