nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Text me some of your sweat
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