yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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