If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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