some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
