You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
