bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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