So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
