I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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