Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
