All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
