She announced her abortion via fbk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
