so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize