I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
