you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
