There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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