Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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