can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
