Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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