i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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