I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
