I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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