apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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