great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
