That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize