i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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