What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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