wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
