hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
