she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
