I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Semen is not good for contacts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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