i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
