some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
