I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
