I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
