Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
