the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
