I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
