I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
