I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
