i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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