i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize