sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
