How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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