Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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