The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
