did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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