idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize