So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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