38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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