i barfeds in our rink
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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