It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
