I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
