When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
