she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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