My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
