She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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