i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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