Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
