A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize