hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dick very happy bro
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
