just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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