MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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