Someone shit on the floor
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
