i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
