If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
