meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
