Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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